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Lady Gaga, The Demise of S Bar & The Blonde Line.

29 Apr

I am a true advocate of the saying, “To each their own.” 

By this I mean I will just leave people alone to live their lives. I am not interested in trying to dissuade or persuade people to stop/start listening to certain music, or wearing certain clothes. The way I see it, I have to be this way, as I have always been a black sheep who likes the road less travelled by, and the only way I can demand respect from people is to give them their respect and space back.

But occasionally, I just have to stop and ask a friend what the hype is all about, regarding any number of things. Because I just don’t get it. And forgive me, I have to made a judgement, for my own sanity. Usually, friends like MatchGirl are there to tell me that I’m not insane.

LoveMeDeux: I just had to look up who Lady Gaga was. I am so glad I don’t get VH1 and MTV. I just realised how much time I save because I don’t have all this useless filler to take up space in my life.
MatchGirl: Ugh! She’s lame.
LoveMeDeux: I’m watching the vid for “Poker Face” and I don’ t understand what the feck she is saying.
MatchGirl: She’s better on mute.
LoveMeDeux: Haha!
MatchGirl: She is all over teh music news. And Twitter. Perez Hilton loves her. She’s Britneyish but Britney sings better. whatever.
LoveMeDeux: This is the kind of shit that they play at S Bar on a Saturday night when people are so drunk out of their minds that it sounds half-good on distortion.
MatchGirl: Yup.
LoveMeDeux: And i know you’re laughing at that. Fecking S BAR!
MatchGirl: Well, I know it’s true! Haha!
LoveMeDeux: S Bar!
MatchGirl: Bougie clubs suck for music. Ugh!
LoveMeDeux: i went there once. They let me in and I bypassed the blonde line. A friend was already inside with the bartender, so I used the name to get in.
MatchGirl: HAHAHAHAHHAAH the blonde line! OMFG! Dying laughing!
LoveMeDeux: Yeah, the BLONDE LINE. You know what I mean. Ha! oh shiz, here we go! 😀
MatchGirl: Blonde, fake tits.
LoveMeDeux: Btw, never go to S Bar. It is a tiny, 1-room apartment, packed with sleazy-looking people that plays the latest remix of the remix of the remix of that one song.

A few minutes later.

LoveMeDeux: Oh wow! S Bar is closed! Look!
Matchgirl: lmao HAHAHAHAHA!!

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The Three All-Time Worst Songs Ever Recorded.

18 Apr

If you want to get me to throw myself off a cliff on a deserted island I’m stranded on, the best way to do it is to ensure that these are the only three songs on my iPod when I get stranded.

These are the three all-time worst songs ever recorded. I am embarrassed to say that it all happened within my lifetime.

 

Macarena by Los del Río

What is there to like about this song? Nothing. It repeats the same several phrases over and over again. Seriously boring. And for some reason when I hear this song, I see geriatric pensioners sort of being forced to dance to it in slow-mo as a part of a mandatory retirement home exercise.

Ugh. *Shudder*. Can we purge it now, please?

 

 

 

Mambo No. 5 by Lou Bega

Believe it or not, I have actually almost successfully wiped this song from my memory. I even had to look it up in order to write the response to this Plinky prompt.

Despite the fact that this song’s composition is a throwback to Big Band, which I love, the “Angela, Pamela, Sandra, Rita, Monica, Erica, Tina, Mary, Jessica” gets irritating.

For some reason, when I hear this song, I can imagine it being pumped out over the intercom of some dilapidated casino off the Strip in Vegas, as washed-up looking gamblers hunched over on red plastic stools take lazy drags from their cigarettes while they mechanically, mindlessly feed their respective slot machines.

I know. I have just painted a totally ugly picture. And that’s the point–the song’s feel-good “glamour” has largely been outstripped by the fact that it is overplayed and overhyped. And I bet you it’s playing in the lobby of Circus Circus right this second.

 

My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion

It’s Celine Dion. It is overplayed. I can’t get it out of my head, and even writing about it right now is bound to embed this song in my head for a few hours, at least. Oh God help us.

James Cameron, Kate Winslet & Leonardo DiCaprio aside, seriously, this is the worse piece of rubbish ever. If I ever get to interview Cameron, I will ask, “Do you ever regret hiring on Dion, and if you could take it back now, wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t you prefer to just have had some romantic string quartet take over with some simple instrumentals?” If he replies, “No,” I’ll scream, “I call bullshit!” at his Oscar-award winning face.

 

Shiz. I *Do* Need To Get Married, After All.

6 Dec

I realise that I do, eventually, need to get married.

Dang.

There’s a huge cricket on the wall across from my bed staring me down, ready to crawl all over my face as soon as I fall asleep. I just know it!

I can’t sleep.

Oh yeah, in case you don’t get it, the correlation is that the husband would get rid of said cricket, and/or any other offending creatures, and send them silently into the night.

I’m Missing Out On The Must-See TV & Snacks.

5 Dec

I’ve been hitting the gym on a seriously regular basis. As in like every night I’m there, and sometimes I contemplate going two times a day.

I know. It’s sick.

I don’t understand what in the world is wrong with me that makes me want to gym it like crazy in the wintertime when everyone else is doing what’s right and snuggling under a cozy blanket in front of Must-See TV snacking on popcorn and drinking hot tea. I mean, this isn’t the first time the gym craziness has taken me over. I guess it’s just surprising even myself because I’ve been sort of “meh” otherwise.

But seriously, that’s what’s been going on these days. I go late at night, and the only people in the gym that late are other young people like me who also look tired, but they’re also there gymming it and not in front of Must-See TV with the aforementioned snacks.

It’s totally silent in the gym at this time of night! We walk around like zombies, adjusting our iPods occasionally, alternately huffing at puffing as you take a break from the Captain’s Chair to chuckle at the random SMSing that inevitably goes on between yourself and your friends and family who are at home in front of Must-See TV with the aforementioned snacks.

I must have hit my “exercise wall” and gotten past it!