Tag Archives: Relationships

*You* Be The Judge.

6 Jun

I just had a fight with my one of my best friends. We’ve been BFFs for going on 6 years and never had a fight until tonight. It’s a momentous occasion.

Sadly it is a fight that’s been borne of both of us neglecting addressing it, and tonight, it came to a head. Here are the facts, cold & simple:

On New Year’s Eve 2008/2009, I was with my BFF (He’s male) and some other friends at an trendyish LA bar.

There he met his current girlfriend, Linda.

When I saw him chatting with her and some other people, I went over to say hi and introduce myself, and I went to get a water, as the night was winding to an end, and I had to drive. A cold water right before I leave the bar always keeps me in good condition to drive home.

When I went up to talk to them, Linda (who, at the time, was just some other girl in the bar) scoffed at me. I shit you not, she SCOFFED at me. She did not tell me her name. She did not even look at me, aside from the original glance. I thought that was rude.

Then I realised that this girl didn’t realise I was my BFF’s friend and was with him partying that night. She might have thought that I was trying to hit on him?

The thing that really hurt me was that he didn’t stop to tell her, “Oh hey, this is my friend, she’s here with me tonight.” He actually ignored me, and said, “So…” and turned back to talk to Linda.

I told him that it hurt me. He sort of apologized to me about it. I got a sorry, but it was after I mentioned first that he hurt me, and it was via text. That kind of hurt too.

Then he started to date Linda, seriously.

I never asked him to break up with her. I never said anything about her, actually. But he knew how I felt about her–she was rude, and he was wrong to not have explained to her that I was his friend. He was wrong to have never bridged that issue and manage our friendship. He understood and agreed.

Time passes.

About a month ago, he moves from Chicago to San Diego, which is only a 2 hr drive from me.

He forgets to tell me, his supposed “BFF” that he moved to a place that’s 2 hrs from me. Suddenly, a week ago, I find out by way of another conversation that he has moved there.

The way I find out that he’s in San Diego? He calls this past weekend and says he’s driven up to LA for the weekend, and is going out to eat and drink with Sally, and where is a good place to eat in LA.

I’m sorry?

Why are you in LA? And why are you seeing Sally, an ex-girlfriend? When you told me years ago that you hated Sally, and that you only see her for one thing, and one thing only? And don’t you have a committed relationship with your girlfriend?

What?!

It makes me very sad that this is what’s happening. Less than 1 year ago, we would know each other’s whereabouts like the backs of our hands. Less than 1 year ago, I would be the one arranging his “Welcome back to California!” party.

Plus his whole “I’m dating Linda seriously, but on the other hand, Sally and I are going to be ‘hanging out'” thing just bothers the feck out of me. We are 29 year old, grown-ass adults…is it really the time to be practicing that brand of bullsh!t? Either break up with Linda, or stop seeing your “convenience” friends like Sally.

I don’t know. I try not to judge, but this is my BFF, here. I have always prided him on being a total gentleman, but I guess this is just disappointing me.

Tonight, he’s in downtown LA, at one of my favorite bars, but he’s with his other good friends, his sister, and Linda. I don’t want to cause a scene. I told him I’m sitting this one out. I told him I’m too pissed off, and I may start a fight if I went down there. I know my limitations, but even those are volatile and I may be prone to erupting into LoveMeHulk mode. We agreed that was smart. He said he needed to address me separately. He said we need to spend some time together, just the two of us, to talk this one out.

Do you understand the gravity of the situation? My BEST friend, whom I haven’t seen since January is in town, a mere 20 miles from me–probably only about 15 minutes on the road–and I am avoiding him. Does that make any sense?!

Tell me…am I just taking it too far? Am I being upset over nothing? I don’t know, I’m too entrenched in my own emotions, I can’t be a fair judge of them.

But I’ll say this. If I know that he is in town one more subsequent weekend, and he’s hanging out with his pseudogirlfriend or some other girl instead of taking the time to address this problem we have, I’m going to have to close this chapter of him in my life.

I just can’t handle any more neglect from someone who is supposed to be a best friend.

@DanRegal Has Outed Us All As Twitterholics.

6 May
 Everyone Is Tweeting, originally uploaded by danregal.
 

@danregal was the official photographer by default this past Saturday night at the TweetUp at The Room. Somehow he caught us all acting the fool, Twitter-wise, with his deft camera moves!

I really mean it when I say a) I really don’t remember taking these photos, and b) I really don’t remember taking these photos.

In this latter photo, my Twitteriffic friends L to R: @Davest010, myself, @Phatemokid, @ventesoychai, @paradoxmo (caught in the mirror, he’s in the blue shirt), @lomara, and @brianrubin. Not pictured, but just as guilty: @boxspring, @pfont and @sgoodman1138. @shambot was too busy dancing and doing what normal people do in a bar–have non-Twitter related fun. 🙂

And @lomara has pointed out that, yes, we are all tweeting each other–from across the table. But I’ll say it first–it’s a ton of fun. And the fact that we’re being so ludicrous is half of it.

That Gossip Mill, The MBA.

3 May

Tomorrow I go back to school for the first time in 7 years. Tonight I spoke with a friend who is finishing his MBA this month about going back to school, and all the wonderful things that go along with it.

So naturally, the subject turns to sex and all the gossip surrounding that environment.

Cornelius: So what plans are afoot for this week?
LoveMeDeux: Well. Tomorrow I have to go to school to register for parking and talk to the counselor.
Cornelius: 🙂 Should prove fun.
LoveMeDeux: Yes and meet some students, I guess…this is insane–
Cornelius: What is?
LoveMeDeux: But i’m like, “What if the other kids don’t like me?” LMAO!!!
Cornelius: …. Wear the suit.

For some reason, Cornelius thinks this one suit I wear, a totally conservative business suit, makes me look hot. Whatever. It’s like Pollyanna in the business world, which means, it’s a white button-down cuffed shirt, and a black suit. Boring.

LoveMeDeux: LOL! I’m not looking to get laid. I’m looking to make friends
Cornelius: LOL! Do both!
LoveMeDeux: DUDE!
Cornelius: Dude!
LoveMeDeux: Was it not you who told me to never fcuk one of my fellow classmates?!
Cornelius: Yeah, but it’s a part time program. So it’s ok.
LoveMeDeux: OMG, no it’s so not ok!
Cornelius: And why is that?
LoveMeDeux: I don’t want to be that girl. Btw haha! I’m supposed to be cloistered with all my classmates next weekend.
Cornelius: LOL – You mean the “rite of passage” for a Pepperdine MBA?
LoveMeDeux: It’s an organizational behavior class, all weekend from Friday morning to Sunday afternoon
Cornelius: Oh baby!
LoveMeDeux: LMAO! I am so positive that someone gets laid on this weekend retreat.
Cornelius: Can’t be me. I’m not going to the Pepperdine weekend retreat.
LoveMeDeux: Yeah I know! LOL! but i’m just saying. 17 people, one hotel, forced to interact with each other–come onnn.
Cornelius: yeah yeah cum on.
LoveMeDeux: Ha! my friend Daz, also a Pepperdine grad, just came by for dinner/ I wanted to ask him more about his retreat. “Who got laid on your retreat?” but my folks were here. Ha!
Cornelius: Sorry LoveMeDeux – your curiosity will have to wait for a week. 😀
LoveMeDeux: Haha! 😀 I’m so excited but I’m scared too, all of the above. Haven’t been this excited to go to school since Fall 1998.
Cornelius: LOL I was still a minor then.
LoveMeDeux: Oh shiz! 16, right?
Cornelius: Yup, and only about 5’2 then
LoveMeDeux: Ahhh if we hooked up I would have been a felon. Awwww!
Cornelius: Hahaha it wouldnt have happened :-/
LoveMeDeux: OMG you’re so funny.
Cornelius: Just being honest.
LoveMeDeux: It’s just funny thinking of us as 16 and 18. I mean seriously, I totally look up to you now, as you finish up your MBA.
Cornelius: LOL no its not funny! :-p
LoveMeDeux: Why not?
Cornelius: How so?
LoveMeDeux: Because, I would have been a “college girl” and you were a “high school boy”.
Cornelius: ooOooo LOL!
LoveMeDeux: That’s both hilarious and adorable at the same time. 🙂

So I guess grad students aren’t all that different from undergrad kids, who aren’t different from high schoolers who aren’t that different from elementary school students. The gossip mill is the very same, and so, as it were, is the mental age associated. Ha!

Two Los Angelenos Ladies Serenely Discuss the State of The Bars In Los Angeles.

26 Apr

Dear Certain Men in Los Angeles,

It’s not very classy of you to announce your annual salary or the make and model of luxury automobile that you drive along with your name when introducing yourselves to us, thinking that it will help you get us undressed any faster.

Please cease and desist.

Best Regards,
The Ladies of Los Angeles.

P.S. It’s true what the bouncers say: white sneakers are never a good idea when trying to get into the bars on the weekends. Plus it makes you look like you just got out of gym class. Invest in a pair of Ken Coles.

MatchGirl: Did you ever hear Tila Tequila’s music? Watch this: Two Girls Sing Tila Tequila’s “Fcuk Ya Man”.
LoveMeDeux: No….the idea of her annoys me
MatchGirl: LMAO! her music is wacked!
LoveMeDeux: What the feck are these girls doing?
MatchGirl: They are singing Tila Tequila’s music.
LoveMeDeux: This makes my skin crawl.
MatchGirl: Thats her song “Fcuk Ya Man
LoveMeDeux: This is the stereotypical California girl. people think this is what we are ALL like. wow this hurts to watch. I stopped watching
MatchGirl: Yup! Embarrassing. she’s from Texas, though
LoveMeDeux: doesn’t matter if she is from Texas or not, people think of LA girls when they see this.
MatchGirl: GAH! I hate being stereotyped
LoveMeDeux: I don’t like it either. I have heard a lot of “You’re not like most LA girls!”, and that makes me wince because that means that people judged me–right up until that point where they decided to change their mind for some reason. I hate that.
MatchGirl: Yea.
LoveMeDeux: It’s the sadness of thinking “Hey this girl is juuust like all the others” and I have to prove to them that I’m not a bitch, a golddigger or a bimbo. That’s the triumvirate of LA girl categories.
MatchGirl: We’re not a bimbo. Goldigger. I DONT WANT YOUR MONEY. I am not sucking your dick if you drive a flashy car 😀
LoveMeDeux: LMAO! That’s MY POINT! Why do LA men think that I want to know what kind of car they drive? They offer that fecking information like I asked them their name. “Hi, my name is George, and I drive a Mercedes S Class.” I’m like, “Hi, my name is LoveMeDeux, and I couldn’t give a flying feck.”
MatchGirl: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
LoveMeDeux: Is that not true? Don’t you get this when we get out into LA? Is it just me?
MatchGirl: Yes, I do too. You always know what kind of car they have, where they work, and sometimes how much money they make, right away.
LoveMeDeux: This goes back to my number 1 reason to leave a party. Oh, I think it’s interesting to know where they work, what they do. That’s all fine. But I don’t want to know that if the only reason you want to tell me is because you think that’ll get you laid faster.
MatchGirl: Yea, I make 100k. Have a house in Paris, etc. Boat in the harbor, I’M RICH BITCH! Now get on your knees, and blow, ho!
LoveMeDeux: Yeah. no thanks dude. Haha!
MatchGirl: LMAO! You’re not giving me cheddar, So just ’cause you’re rich, I’m not sucking your cock.
LoveMeDeux: LOL!
MatchGirl: How does “I AM CEO OF A COMPANY.” turn into “BITCH GET ON YOUR KNEES!”
LoveMeDeux: I do not know! Good God!

Next weekend, MatchGirl and LoveMeDeux are supposed to go out with some Tweeples and other assorted friends. I’m certain we will be able to give you a great report back. Of course, we know that not all men in Los Angeles are so–we have too many good male friends from Los Angeles that have proven otherwise.

❤ to all our male friends out there who are keeping up the standard.

My Breakup Mix CD Would Contain…

16 Mar

I have often contemplated creating a break-up mix CD. Maybe one of these days when a romance ends and stings me strongly enough to motivate, I will really sit down and do it, but for now, here’s a preview of some of the songs that would be on it…

Dancefloor by Kylie Minogue

The lyrics say:

On the dancefloor
Gonna lose it in the music
On the dancefloor
Got my body gonna use it
On the dancefloor
The best that you never had but now you’ve lost me
So come on watch me getting over you

This girl is audacious enough to say “I was totally in love with you and gave it my all, but you’ve messed it up. So now watch me getting over you by having a great time and you will know what you’ve lost.” The defiant attitude is fantastic.

 

How Can You Mend A Broken Heart by Al Green

With lyrics like so:

And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again

How can you not listen to this song post-breakup? Al Green’s soft, tenuous singing just stabs me in the heart every single time I hear this during post-breakup. This song encourages wallowing in the pain of the situation, but sometimes you have to have some Tanqueray & Tonic, shut yourself inside your house, and blast this song at too loud a volume to flush the pain out of your system. Embrace the pain to purge it!

 

Goodbye To You by Michelle Branch

I am not a Michelle Branch fan in any way, shape or form. But this one song just gets me.

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I love
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

It’s actually a painful song in that she’s talking about everything being taken away from you. The line “Goodbye to everything that I knew” is the best as she puts her heartwrenching gut feeling into it. And isn’t it true that when a romance ends, the part that hurts the worst is that you’re giving up everything that you thought was real and tangible? Also, this may be strange, but whenever I know in my head that a romance is ending or about to end, I hear this song in my head. It’s almost like my head and heart know before I know it, and starts playing the theme song for me. The final nail in the coffin. Sad, but true. It’s like the “Ringtone of Impending Romantic Failure”. Ha!

 

Oh, How You Tear My Heart Asunder.

16 Feb

Have you ever listened to a song a million times, had it in heavy rotation on your iPod, and remember listening to it in college…

But then, one day, on an off-chance, you hear it randomly, and it not only suits your mood for the moment, but encapsulates your feelings?

You realise 
Cause she’s too nice to you 
And you’re too nice to her 
If you don’t let each other get buried 
Cause you know comes a time 
When love will unwind 
Somebody suffers what’s new, still you 
Do you know that it’s over 
Love can damage your health
 

Ah, Télépopmusik, that French electronica group from way back when. How you tear my heart asunder and make it ache so.

Pieces Of Advice I’ve Been Given That Everyone Should Hear.

11 Feb

I’m always the most impatient one in my bunch, so no surprise that I am constantly being told to calm down and take it slow. It’s advice I’m often given, and yet, I constantly struggle with it. Nonetheless, I need to keep considering it.

“Patience. All the best things in life can be ruined by jumping up and down throughout the process. And that’s not just for cakes–it goes for men too.” – from my BFF, Jonathon A Gbenekama.

And just from something wonderful I read once in Roger Ebert’s column:

“Whenever you’re in doubt in a social situation, just ask yourself, what would Fred Astaire do?” – Gregory Nava, Director