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So *THIS* Is Burnout. (I’m Doing It For The Sweatpants.)

7 Jul

My friend Cornelius got a job in San Francisco! His dashing element of “*Pow* Bitch! MBA!!!” paid off, and now he’s settled in the lovely San Fran Bay peptalking me through the home stretch of my first trimester.

LoveMeDeux: I was doing ok, now I feel dejected.
Cornelius: Awwww
LoveMeDeux: I’m in the home stretch…4 more weeks of school. Did you ever feel that way?
Cornelius: All the time, all the fecking time.
LoveMeDeux: I was ok for 10 weeks, trying to scrap. but no matter how much I study, the test is still only about 60% of sh!t I know and the 40% is just fecking nebulous bullsh!t you make up?! It happened to you too?
Cornelius: Of course it did. You’ll make it by. You’re not comfortable with just doing that but it’s what happens. I was so worried I was going to fail out of the program initially.
LoveMeDeux: It’s like…we’re all at the point where we’re like bargaining. Like “Feck…I fecked up that test, it was a 7/10..so I need to crank this paper..will you read it?” “Yeah I will read yours if you read mine?” “I will totally read yours…we need A’s on this.”
Cornelius: You’ll be just fine. Don’t worry. This is not one of those times to worry.
LoveMeDeux: Yeah, that’s 2 trimesters from now in Finance. Ugh.
Cornelius: Come on, LoveMeDeux.
LoveMeDeux: UGH.
Cornelius: Cheer up.
LoveMeDeux: OH CORNELIUS…I am sick of it already.
Cornelius: I know. Ok. You know how much MBAs get post school right?
LoveMeDeux: Were you sick of it after the first semester?
Cornelius: Mmhmm, but I didn’t have a choice.
LoveMeDeux: Yeah, I got my business cards. I’m locked in. It’s final. It says “MBA Candidate, 2011” so I’m screwed.
Cornelius: No no. It means the end is imminent.
LoveMeDeux: Today I was thinking about the 15 weeks of pain that will start in September to December, the next trimester. And I felt like I felt the first week of classes…drowning. Panic.
Cornelius: No, no we all go through it. That’s part of the process. It’s not just classes.
LoveMeDeux: Those are some words of wisdom that I cannot process right now for some reason.
Cornelius: I know, because its tough to accept.
LoveMeDeux: Is it hilarious how having business cards locks you in? Like, “Oh snap! I had the official Pepperdine University business cards printed, I can’t back out and quit school now!”
Cornelius: LOL
LoveMeDeux: And the decal? and the sweatpants? I can’t give up the sweatpants. They’re like yoga pants. They’re blue. They say “Pepperdine”. I can’t.
Cornelius: Hahaha. I figured it was the student loans and sense of failure. But, yeah, sweatpants.
LoveMeDeux: Yeah. They’re comfortable.

Ha! “Student loans and sense of failure.” But no, I’m doing it for the business cards and the sweatpants.

That, and I don’t want to peel the decal off of my car if I drop out.

Grad School Truism No.3

15 Jun

Cornelius graduated his MBA program this past week, and I am one jealous girl! Congratulations to Cornelius! I can’t wait to be over with it, and I have a long 2 years to go. Meanwhile, I have discovered another Grad School Truism. As communicated to Cornelius, there is no spoon*.

Cornelius: So, how’s life otherwise?
LoveMeDeux: Um, otherwise?
Cornelius: Lacking?
LoveMeDeux: Don’t you know? Can’t you tell?
LoveMeDeux: Life = School.
LoveMeDeux: School = Life.

*spoon = life outside of an MBA program.

*Pow*, MBA B!tch! What Up?!!

8 Jun

Seriously, my friend Cornelius.

He cracks me the feck up, serious.

And the MBA conversations continue between yours truly, the MBA novice who is only halfway through her first trimester, and Cornelius, my friend who will graduate his program this week.

LoveMeDeux: This week one your fellow Anderson students told me about the “secret MBA handshake”.
Cornelius: ?
LoveMeDeux: I have no idea.
Cornelius: Me neither, and I’m an Anderson MBA too.
LoveMeDeux: She just said “Yeah well, it doesn’t matter if you’re Graziadio, we have the secret MBA handshake”
Cornelius: Alright…if she says so…
LoveMeDeux: Yeah. I’m like WTF? At the time I was like, “Uh, yeah..the secret handshake, right…”
LoveMeDeux: I don’t “get” MBA people.
Cornelius: ?
LoveMeDeux: It is almost like…a little arrogance? But “justified” arrogance?
Cornelius: Ok no. Cornelius’ MBA Rules.
LoveMeDeux: Ok, tell.
Cornelius: #1 – Any MBA student that tells you directly, or somehow implies, that his or her completion of an MBA has somehow made them better at any one of the following: 1) Project management, 2) Finance, 3) Leadership, 4) Sex, or 5) Any area related to life or business is lying to you.
LoveMeDeux: HAHAHaaaaaa!!!! I think that’s what she was implying with the secret handshake!
Cornelius: It’s the ultimate in MBA bullshit.
LoveMeDeux: It is! People act like they’re somewhat more entitled! Like they’re more equipped.
Cornelius: The only thing an MBA is allowed to say is that they completed a rather arduous application process that is more thorough than what companies have the time or interest in doing themselves. I challenge them all the time. I know what they learn, I know how they learn it. There are some of the skills good, yes. But show it!
Cornelius: Don’t just go *pow* MBA, bitch! What’s up!
LoveMeDeux: Seriously. Don’t act like God reached down & touched you.
Cornelius: If that happened, I’d expect to cum.
LoveMeDeux: OMFG!!!!!!! You are fucking hilarious!!!
Cornelius: Too sacrilegious?
LoveMeDeux: Nooo noo, that’s not what I’m laughing at! I’m laughing at the “MBA, bitch, what up!”
Cornelius: 🙂 You missed my witty banter.
LoveMeDeux: I did!!! I just saw you say it: “Pow! Mba bitch, what up!!” In your whiteboy way! That was amazing. Thank you, I totally lost it laughing.
Cornelius: Gracias! 🙂

That Gossip Mill, The MBA.

3 May

Tomorrow I go back to school for the first time in 7 years. Tonight I spoke with a friend who is finishing his MBA this month about going back to school, and all the wonderful things that go along with it.

So naturally, the subject turns to sex and all the gossip surrounding that environment.

Cornelius: So what plans are afoot for this week?
LoveMeDeux: Well. Tomorrow I have to go to school to register for parking and talk to the counselor.
Cornelius: 🙂 Should prove fun.
LoveMeDeux: Yes and meet some students, I guess…this is insane–
Cornelius: What is?
LoveMeDeux: But i’m like, “What if the other kids don’t like me?” LMAO!!!
Cornelius: …. Wear the suit.

For some reason, Cornelius thinks this one suit I wear, a totally conservative business suit, makes me look hot. Whatever. It’s like Pollyanna in the business world, which means, it’s a white button-down cuffed shirt, and a black suit. Boring.

LoveMeDeux: LOL! I’m not looking to get laid. I’m looking to make friends
Cornelius: LOL! Do both!
LoveMeDeux: DUDE!
Cornelius: Dude!
LoveMeDeux: Was it not you who told me to never fcuk one of my fellow classmates?!
Cornelius: Yeah, but it’s a part time program. So it’s ok.
LoveMeDeux: OMG, no it’s so not ok!
Cornelius: And why is that?
LoveMeDeux: I don’t want to be that girl. Btw haha! I’m supposed to be cloistered with all my classmates next weekend.
Cornelius: LOL – You mean the “rite of passage” for a Pepperdine MBA?
LoveMeDeux: It’s an organizational behavior class, all weekend from Friday morning to Sunday afternoon
Cornelius: Oh baby!
LoveMeDeux: LMAO! I am so positive that someone gets laid on this weekend retreat.
Cornelius: Can’t be me. I’m not going to the Pepperdine weekend retreat.
LoveMeDeux: Yeah I know! LOL! but i’m just saying. 17 people, one hotel, forced to interact with each other–come onnn.
Cornelius: yeah yeah cum on.
LoveMeDeux: Ha! my friend Daz, also a Pepperdine grad, just came by for dinner/ I wanted to ask him more about his retreat. “Who got laid on your retreat?” but my folks were here. Ha!
Cornelius: Sorry LoveMeDeux – your curiosity will have to wait for a week. 😀
LoveMeDeux: Haha! 😀 I’m so excited but I’m scared too, all of the above. Haven’t been this excited to go to school since Fall 1998.
Cornelius: LOL I was still a minor then.
LoveMeDeux: Oh shiz! 16, right?
Cornelius: Yup, and only about 5’2 then
LoveMeDeux: Ahhh if we hooked up I would have been a felon. Awwww!
Cornelius: Hahaha it wouldnt have happened :-/
LoveMeDeux: OMG you’re so funny.
Cornelius: Just being honest.
LoveMeDeux: It’s just funny thinking of us as 16 and 18. I mean seriously, I totally look up to you now, as you finish up your MBA.
Cornelius: LOL no its not funny! :-p
LoveMeDeux: Why not?
Cornelius: How so?
LoveMeDeux: Because, I would have been a “college girl” and you were a “high school boy”.
Cornelius: ooOooo LOL!
LoveMeDeux: That’s both hilarious and adorable at the same time. 🙂

So I guess grad students aren’t all that different from undergrad kids, who aren’t different from high schoolers who aren’t that different from elementary school students. The gossip mill is the very same, and so, as it were, is the mental age associated. Ha!