I just had a fight with my one of my best friends. We’ve been BFFs for going on 6 years and never had a fight until tonight. It’s a momentous occasion.
Sadly it is a fight that’s been borne of both of us neglecting addressing it, and tonight, it came to a head. Here are the facts, cold & simple:
On New Year’s Eve 2008/2009, I was with my BFF (He’s male) and some other friends at an trendyish LA bar.
There he met his current girlfriend, Linda.
When I saw him chatting with her and some other people, I went over to say hi and introduce myself, and I went to get a water, as the night was winding to an end, and I had to drive. A cold water right before I leave the bar always keeps me in good condition to drive home.
When I went up to talk to them, Linda (who, at the time, was just some other girl in the bar) scoffed at me. I shit you not, she SCOFFED at me. She did not tell me her name. She did not even look at me, aside from the original glance. I thought that was rude.
Then I realised that this girl didn’t realise I was my BFF’s friend and was with him partying that night. She might have thought that I was trying to hit on him?
The thing that really hurt me was that he didn’t stop to tell her, “Oh hey, this is my friend, she’s here with me tonight.” He actually ignored me, and said, “So…” and turned back to talk to Linda.
I told him that it hurt me. He sort of apologized to me about it. I got a sorry, but it was after I mentioned first that he hurt me, and it was via text. That kind of hurt too.
Then he started to date Linda, seriously.
I never asked him to break up with her. I never said anything about her, actually. But he knew how I felt about her–she was rude, and he was wrong to not have explained to her that I was his friend. He was wrong to have never bridged that issue and manage our friendship. He understood and agreed.
Time passes.
About a month ago, he moves from Chicago to San Diego, which is only a 2 hr drive from me.
He forgets to tell me, his supposed “BFF” that he moved to a place that’s 2 hrs from me. Suddenly, a week ago, I find out by way of another conversation that he has moved there.
The way I find out that he’s in San Diego? He calls this past weekend and says he’s driven up to LA for the weekend, and is going out to eat and drink with Sally, and where is a good place to eat in LA.
I’m sorry?
Why are you in LA? And why are you seeing Sally, an ex-girlfriend? When you told me years ago that you hated Sally, and that you only see her for one thing, and one thing only? And don’t you have a committed relationship with your girlfriend?
What?!
It makes me very sad that this is what’s happening. Less than 1 year ago, we would know each other’s whereabouts like the backs of our hands. Less than 1 year ago, I would be the one arranging his “Welcome back to California!” party.
Plus his whole “I’m dating Linda seriously, but on the other hand, Sally and I are going to be ‘hanging out'” thing just bothers the feck out of me. We are 29 year old, grown-ass adults…is it really the time to be practicing that brand of bullsh!t? Either break up with Linda, or stop seeing your “convenience” friends like Sally.
I don’t know. I try not to judge, but this is my BFF, here. I have always prided him on being a total gentleman, but I guess this is just disappointing me.
Tonight, he’s in downtown LA, at one of my favorite bars, but he’s with his other good friends, his sister, and Linda. I don’t want to cause a scene. I told him I’m sitting this one out. I told him I’m too pissed off, and I may start a fight if I went down there. I know my limitations, but even those are volatile and I may be prone to erupting into LoveMeHulk mode. We agreed that was smart. He said he needed to address me separately. He said we need to spend some time together, just the two of us, to talk this one out.
Do you understand the gravity of the situation? My BEST friend, whom I haven’t seen since January is in town, a mere 20 miles from me–probably only about 15 minutes on the road–and I am avoiding him. Does that make any sense?!
Tell me…am I just taking it too far? Am I being upset over nothing? I don’t know, I’m too entrenched in my own emotions, I can’t be a fair judge of them.
But I’ll say this. If I know that he is in town one more subsequent weekend, and he’s hanging out with his pseudogirlfriend or some other girl instead of taking the time to address this problem we have, I’m going to have to close this chapter of him in my life.
I just can’t handle any more neglect from someone who is supposed to be a best friend.
pas de deux 
Pardon my language. But if your “BFF”, I say in quotes because, cmon I think it’s at that period, but if your “BFF” can just brush you off after 6+ years of friendship over some, excuse me again, Pu$$y? I don’t know the guy but that crap is uncalled for. Does this new chick have some kind of power over him? Because it seems like she’s changed him some how. Excuse me again, “Pu$$y whipped” him?
Teslanaut, I’m afraid of that…I think he’s changed.
I think that he misunderstands me. It is none of my business about her–what I’m asking for if what *any* friend would ask for–to have him keep doing a good job of managing my friendship with him.
That’s what I mean about neglect. Because our relationship is long distance, it’s easy for him to temporarily forget about me and our problems…but if he says he loves me and is my BFF, he better shape up..because I did my part in trying to communicate.
I’m getting sick of it.
He has been a good friend for a long time, but you’re right..it might be time to start applying the quotation marks to “BFF”.
pardon my french, but your supposed “bff” is a prick. if im out with friends, and im talking to someone, I’ll at least be courteous enough to introduce them, even if im drunk. and for him to ignore you after that is inexcusable. its guys like him that make me kinda disappointed in my gender, and make me realize why I have to work so hard to get a date. …. Jerk.
Ugh, Andy… 😦 It’s sad but true. I was a little shocked about the discourtesy. And by the way, no one was *that* drunk.
He’s a jerk. He’s no BFF.
The end.